Rogue Disney Princess: Snow White

“Omg! Omg!!! Are you Snow White? A girl asked me, her voice shaky with excitement, while at the same time bringing out the same strange device I’ve seen with all of them all day. For what has to be the hundredth time today, I roll my eyes. I just can’t believe that I get put in a coffin, and some lunatic decides to retell my story as a fairy tale!

I will teach them a lesson. Shall I start with this child?

“What is your name, fair one?” I asked her, a ghost of a smile shadowing my lips.

“Fair one? You do sound like Snow White!” She said, her eyes as large as saucers, wearing the biggest, stupidest smile on her face. Someone must have dropped this child when she was small.

‘My name is Anna. Princess Anna. My sister over there is Queen Elsa, you might not have heard of her, what with your extended absence, but, she’s like super famous! But, don’t try to grab her hand without invitation, she could accidentally turn you into an icicle, she’s so jumpy! And, like…”

“You really talk a lot, Anna” I intoned dryly, breaking her monologue.

Maybe this isn’t the right place to start. She wouldn’t even keep quiet long enough for me to influence her. I hate this stupid time!

“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Grumpy announced, materializing from the shadows behind me.

“OMG! You have to be Grumpy! No, wait, Doc? Anna cried, jumping from foot to foot in excitement. For a quick second there, I thought she was going to hug him.

Dear Lord.

“Grumpy, Anna. Anna, Grumpy.” I announced in a way of introduction.

With one dismissive look and a flick of his wrist, he said. “Yeah, go away.”

I watched in fascination as the excitement left her face, to be replaced by that gloriously blank look as the poor girl struggled to remember where she is, or what she’s doing here. Oh, the things I’ve missed! When she was gone, I turned on Grumpy, hand on hips, “Why did you send my dinner away?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t work that way anymore.” He mumbled sourly.

“What do you mean it doesn’t work that way anymore? Predators and preys don’t exist anymore?” I demanded. I am sick of this place and I’ve not even been back for two days. I used to set the rules back then, men used to line up for me to feed on them. Well, I might have influenced that a bit, but still. In all things, I used to have my way, and most importantly, my meals never came in a bag. It was always fresh from a vein, still warm.

“Grumpy, what happened here?”

“A lot, and if you don’t want to end up in that coffin again, or worse, you cannot harm anyone here. Let’s go home, we have a lot to discuss.”

“Yes, we do. You might want to start with why everyone seems to think I’m some fairytale princess.”

“Well, you are a princess.” He croaked. Great, someone remembers what I’m capable of.

“Not that kind, and you know it.” I flashed him a smile, allowing the edges of my fangs to show.

“Dopey should be back from his hunt.” His way of distracting me.

“I hate animal blood.” I pouted.

“Well, too bad.”

I rolled my eyes again and fell into step with him.

“What’s the plan? How do we take back our respect? A lion doesn’t cower in his jungle, Grumpy. We cannot continue to live like this, and I cannot continue to drink animal blood.”

“Oh, you just want to be worshiped.” He intoned dryly, giving me his signature glare.

“There is nothing wrong with being worshiped. Didn’t you enjoy the benefits that came with that?”

He started saying something, but, I stopped paying attention. I’ve sighted my next prey.

“Hey, where are you going? Home is this way!” Grumpy called from behind me, but, I wasn’t paying attention. I needed to plant myself in someone’s path.

“I’m so sorry!” He apologized, immediately reaching out to steady me. He was an easy mark, as he was engrossed in that same strange device, so, it was easy to accidentally on purpose have him bump into me.

“Are you okay? I’m such a klutz, I wasn’t paying attention.” He said, still trying to steady me as I stumbled slightly.

“I’m okay, I’m fine.” I said, sounding like someone that has indeed had the air knocked out of them. That was when he looked at me, like, really looked at me.

“Wow. Are you new in town?” He inquired, his eyes shining.

Yes, that’s more like it.

“Something like that.” I replied coyly. His eyes passed over the full length of my body, once, twice and there was something unsettlingly familiar about that look.

It wasn’t the look of adoration and wide-eyed wonder I was hoping for, no. That is the look I give to someone I’m interested in, for dinner. It was a look of pure hunger, and I don’t know how to react to being on this end of the line.

“Hey, if you are not in a hurry, the bar across is open. I could buy you a drink, and we’ll just, you know, hang.”

Me, hang? I’m going to kill this impudent man and hand him with his intestines.

“I…”

“I’m sorry, but she has somewhere else to be.” Grumpy replied for me, appearing by my side, and sabotaging me yet again.

“You should leave now.” I enunciated slowly, and without protest, the young man left.

“He bumped into me, I was going to make him pay for it.” I heard my own voice, and it was whiny and I hate being whiny.

“You’re fast, he couldn’t have bumped into you. Now, for the last time, let’s go home before you do something stupid to doom us all.”

With a sad sigh, I trailed after him, my insides rolling with disgust at the thought of animal blood for dinner.

Image Credit: disney.wikia.com